Here we go again

I had a bit of trouble being able to access this blog as I didn't remember the password for so long! Glad I'm here now. 

Well, today is day 3 at another pass at medifast. I don't really feel like going into huge details about my recent medical history, but all of you reading should know what I've been through lately. It hasn't been an easy transition, but I think for the most part, I'm going uphill. The growth hormone is supposed to help with weight loss. It hasn't had any effect so far, so I thought that since I am feeling a tad better, it's high time I helped it along. 

So far things have been ok. It's getting back into the swing of things and waiting for more energy to kick in that's going to take some time. I'm not being nearly as anal retentive as last time though, so I think that's a good thing. I think lol. 

I probably will post my weekly weigh ins in here, but not too much more at first. I'm going to try to take it a little more low key this time as far as sharing. Maybe putting a little less pressure on myself will aid to my success? I'm not sure. That's just my feelings right now, things may change. 

If I've shared this link with you, it's because you've been a part of my story. Whether you're going through something similar and are an inspiration, or you were cheering me on last time. Feel free to check back any time you feel like. 

Much loves, 

Cheater cheater, pizza eater.

So... This week wasn't so good. It was mostly fine until today. Except that I wasn't having all of my medifast meals, so I wasn't eating enough. On top of that I swam everyday, which is great, but I always ended up with too few calories. The scale wasn't moving, understandably, (too few calories can put you into starvation mode abs your body hangs on to everything) and I got frustrated. Fast forward to today. We met a friend for lunch and I said screw it and had a burger for lunch. Then we came home late and I had nothing I thawed so we had pizza. Bad idea. Not only do I feel guilty, my stomach is very upset. I'm very frustrated with myself. :( Not expecting a loss Monday. A gain if anything. Ugh. Ah well. Tomorrow is another day. 

Minus Monday

Hell YES!! Awesome first week back on program! I ate very well, if not for a few tiny slip ups but stayed well within my restrictions. And this time, I lost more than I did the first week of last time :) The awesome work out I had at the Hanson concert last night might have helped hehe. I made smart, healthy choices all week, and ate yummy food! Yay! Here we go! 

WEIGH IN : WEEK 1

Starting Weight: 279.2 lbs
Current Weight: 272.8 lbs
Weekly Loss: 6.4 lbs
Total Loss: 34.7 lbs

Woot!! 

Here we go again!

Although I am sick and feeling absolutely miserable, today is the day. Today is my second chance, my second "Day One".

I started the medifast plan again, and I'm determined to reach my goal :)

The first day went very well. This time around, I know just what I like to eat and it's easy to go right back into it. My wonderful hubby is joining me in eating healthy dinners, so it's fun to cook for both of us :) Tonight, I made grilled chicken, sautéed garlic broccoli, and salad! It was delicious! 

I weighed in this morning, so from now on, I will have weigh in Mondays. Fresh start, fresh new day! Here we go!

WEIGH IN : WEEK 1

Starting Weight: 279.2 lbs
Current Weight: 279.2 lbs
Weekly Loss: 0 lbs
Total Loss (since beginning): 28.3 lbs 

My new starting picture 

I'm really looking forward to getting into shape again. Just as soon as I can breathe, I'll be going to the gym :) 

I'm very excited to begin anew. I can do this! 

Here I am.

There isn't a feeling much worse than being disappointed in yourself. When the whole time, you know what you're doing is wrong, yet you cannot stop your destructive behavior no matter how much you're hurting yourself. There are many ways to do this, but for me, it's emotional eating. 

When I step back and look at the big picture, I see a pattern. If I'm scared, stressed, sad, or feeling helpless, I fix it with food. I'm not sure how or when it started, but it's been going on all of my adult life. It doesn't make much sense, but when I feel like my life is out of control, I regain it by making bad decisions. I know I'm breaking, but I don't care. I know I'm ruining all of my hard work, but it doesn't matter. It starts small, then it snowballs until I feel just as miserable as I did before. 

I'm here now. I feel badly that I did this to myself. I know I am to blame. Why couldn't I stop? Why wasn't I strong enough? I could blame it on a multitude of things. The loss of our business. The uncertainty of life at that time. Moving to a new state. The financial strain we have experienced lately. It was hard, and I compensated by sabotaging myself. I can't blame any situation. I ultimately made the choice to take the easy, destructive way out instead of digging deeper and pushing on. Live and learn, I guess? 

I am very lucky in the fact that through the hell we have been through this year, my marriage is sound. I have a husband who understands and loves me for me, no matter what life brings and how I choose to deal with it. He is my partner in everything, and I know that together, we will come out on the other end stronger.

Emotionally, I'm not quite ready to come back to my weight loss journey quite yet. I have to work through some things, and get through the rest of this month, which will be spent with my amazing family. On September 7th, I will participate in my first 5k marathon. When I signed up last year, I had glorious visions of a thinner, toned me kicking ass at this. Instead, I'm closer to where I was when I started. I think taking part of this marathon will be a sort of rebirth for me. I will be the slower, out of shape me, but I will still be me, doing something for the right reasons. 

I come home to Arizona the day after the race. The perfect time to recommit and do this right, once and for all. 

Weigh In Tuesday

Woohoo! Better week this week after several awesome workouts! On Sunday I went to a trampoline park with my cousin and a friend! I can't believe how much fun it was. It's a facility with wall to wall trampolines connecting so you just go nuts and jump everywhere! So much fun!! And also, I can't believe how sore I am from it! My obliques and abs and back muscles are in shock! Hehe! It's awesome! I definitely want to go again :)


WEIGH IN : WEEK 20

Starting Weight: 307.5 lbs
Current Weight: 248.8 lbs
Weekly Loss: 2.6 lbs
Total Loss: 58.7

Weigh In Tuesday

Another bit of a slow week on the scale, but I'm okay with it. I was on my period and did a tiny bit of stress eating, only had one work out, and still came out losing. This week, I am going to hit the gym more, hopefully start yoga again (I really need to write an entry about yoga :) and hopefully come out a bigger loser! I can't wait to pass the 60 lb mark. It's so close!


WEIGH IN : WEEK 19

Starting Weight: 307.5 lbs
Current Weight: 251.4 lbs
Weekly Loss: 1 lbs
Total Loss: 56.1